I'm Too Numb To Feel
by KathyxSalvatorexWinchester
Summary: Ruby, starting the apocalypse, losing his soul, not looking for Dean, all he does it screw stuff up, while his brother gets to be the hero. But an old friend reminds him he's worth it. Some Sam/OC. One shot.


**Title: **I'm To Numb to Feel.

**Summary: **Ruby, starting the apocalypse, losing his soul, not looking for Dean, all he does it screw stuff up, while his brother gets to be the hero. But an old friend reminds him he's worth it. Some Sam/OC. One shot.

**Rating: **T for paranoia.

**Parings: **Sam/Crystal [OC]

**Author's Note: **I don't know. Just a random thing that popped into my head. Hope you enjoy it!

**Love,  
Kathy xoxo**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"_Winchester? Like the gun?" The girl asked doubtfully, raising her eyebrows questioningly. Sam chuckled softly, shaking his head as he stared at the girl – Crystal. She was gorgeous, with pale green eyes and raven black hair, and her naturally red lips. Granted, she was only sixteen, but she could definitely pass for older. Seventeen-year-old Sam had met her while he was doing some solo research for Dean and his dad in Virginia. She'd been sitting alone in the library listening to her music, and he'd sat down at her table and they just started talking. _

"_Yeah, like the gun," he confirmed, nodding. "Where are you from?" They were doing question for a question, and so far, he knew her name, age, birthday and vice versa. _

"_I'm from Jacksonville. Where're you from?" She shot back at him, a small smirk growing on her face. Sam smiled._

"_Lawrence. In Kansas," he told her. She laughed, and Sam was confused for a moment._

"_I don't think you're in Kansas anymore, Toto," she joked, still giggling. He laughed with her, and she nudged him gently. "Are you done with your 'research'? 'Cause there is a shop down the street that sells the best ice cream _ever_." She said, winking and pouting her lips slightly. _

"_Uh, yeah, sure," he stammered slightly, getting up and putting the books he'd checked out into his bag, and held his arm out for her, to which she looked surprised. _

"_Hmm, gentleman, huh?" She commented, taking his arm. He rolled his eyes and they walked out of the library and down the road until she pulled him into a tiny shop on the corner. "Hey, Gen!" She called out t the old, plump woman behind the counter as they approached her. "Can we have some of your ice cream, please?" The woman nodded and reached behind her. Crystal leaned into Sam and whispered. "She's a mute. Had some traumatic accident when she was a child." Sam frowned sympathetically and smiled sadly down at her. _

_The woman turned back to them and handed them two cones with the best smelling ice cream. Could ice cream really smell that good? Crystal paid for them and they walked out of the shop. "So, Sammy," she drawled, licking her ice cream. "You gonna tell me why you got a knife in your back pocket?" Sam froze in mid bite, eyes widening. _

"_Uh... I–" He stuttered, but she laughed. _

"_You're a hunter. You wear an anti-possession charm and you've got a gun in that bag." She observed. His eyebrows shot up in disbelief and he stared at her. "Relax. My Uncle's a hunter. Taught me how to shoot." _

"_How long have you know?"_

"_A few years. Long enough to have sent a couple of demons back to hell," she said, tongue swirling gracefully around the edge of her cone. _

"_Wow," he muttered. _

"_Park's over there. Come, sit, and blab about your problems. I don't mind," she winked again and took his hand, leading him to the huge patch of grass across the street with some swings and a slide in the centre of the field. _

_Two and a half hours later, Sam was standing behind Crystal, pushing her gently on the swing while she told him about the time she killed a werewolf with a butter knife. "...Of course, I got a _lot _of scratches and a concussion, but at least I killed the bastard. He was a dick in his human form too, so, no loss there." She shrugged. Sam smiled as she finished her story. She was completely her own person, and she was such a free spirit. She wasn't bound to the life of hunting like he was, and he was happy for her. _

_She scrapped her feet along the floor so that the swing stopped, and stood up, turning to face Sam. "You don't have to live this life, Sam," she whispered, looking at him with pity. "Get out, go to Stanford, get a girlfriend, marry her, have babies and a lawnmower and a front door." He chuckled slightly and nodded. _

"_Maybe," he murmured quietly. She came closer to him until their chests were touching, and then she reached up to kiss him softly on the lips, hand cupping his jaw. One hand snaked round her waist while the other got lost in her hair. They stayed like that for a moment before Sam's phone rang in his pocket. _

_They broke apart slowly, and Sam reached into his back pocket and answered his phone. "Uh," he paused briefly to clear his throat. "Yeah? Dean, hey, what's up? Oh, I'm, uh, at the local park. It's not hard to miss... Okay." He didn't bother to say goodbye, he just hung up. _

"_Gotta go?" She asked, already knowing the answer. "Well then," she grabbed a hold of the lapels on his jacket, "goodbye, Toto." And she kissed him deeply one last time. _

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Knock, knock, knock. _

All three heads turned suddenly to the knocking at the door. Dean, Sam and Castiel stood around the perfectly polished table in their little safe house. "Did... someone just knock?" Dean asked in disbelief. The others just shrugged Dean walked to front of the bunker and opened to metal door to reveal a beautiful woman standing in front.

"Hi," she spoke up, runnin her tongue over her red lips.

"Hey," Dean drawled, smirking as he looked her up and down. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and stuck her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

"Can I come in? I need to make a phone call and my car broke down." She lied, fluttering her eyes. Dean chuckled, low and husky and stepped aside.

"Sure," he said. She stepped around him, but stopped when she got in the door.

"I'm surprised you didn't drench me with holy water," she murmured. Dean looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"I'm guessing you're a hunter or a demon, then?"He asked as they walked down the stairs to where Sam and Castiel were waiting.

"Hunter, yeah," she replied, nodding. "You and your brother are famous. Sam both started and ended the apocalypse, right? And you've been in Purgatory recently with your little angel, Castiel?" They were more questions than statements. Dean nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. "Hmm, never thought he would." She mumbled quietly to herself, not expecting Dean to hear.

"What'd you mean by that?" He frowned. She looked up at him.

"Toto," she answered simply, making Dean even more confused. They reached the bottom of the stairs and Sam's eyes widened when he saw her. "Toto." She said again, smiling widely.

Sam laughed. "Crystal," he choked out. She shrugged and smirked at him, that same smirk she'd given him when they met in the library. "What–" She cut him off.

"Don't even ask, apocalypse boy," she warned, holding up a hand. She ran forward and hugged Sam tightly, wrapping her arms around his waist while his went round her shoulders. She pulled back after a few moments and raised her eyebrows at him. "Dude, you got _tall_." He laughed, but it turned into a hacking cough. Dean rushed forward and handed Sam a tissue, putting a hand on his little brothers back. Crystal looked on sadly at the man who she'd once known as the boy who wanted a life outside of this business.

After his coughing fit was over, he stood up straight again and smiled apologetically at her. "Sorry, it's, uh..." He paused but she laughed unconvincingly.

"Trials, right?" She asked, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

"How'd you know that?" He croaked, confused. She smiled lopsidedly and pulled out her phone. She played with it for a few seconds before showing it to Sam. It was Crystal poking her tongue out at the camera with her middle finger up, and she was sitting next to a redhead who was doing the exact same – Charlie. "You know Charlie?"

Dean went forward and looked at the picture and then whistled. "Charlie's not as innocent as she seems, is she?"

"Oh, God, no," Crystal frowned. "I have a video on here of her doing shots and, believe me, she is _very _drunk." She laughed and put her phone away and turned back to Sam. "You gonna give me a tour or what?" He smiled and nodded.

"Sure." And held out his arm, just like that day. She smirked.

"Don't worry, I'll catch you if you fall, Sammy," she half-joked as they walked off. Dean watched them, smiling. He was glad that Sam had a good friend who sincerely cared for him, because God knows he needed one.

"I still can't believe you started the freakin' apocalypse!" Crystal exclaimed, flailing her arm about. "I mean... _Lucifer_. The almighty Satan... What was he like?" Sam chuckled dryly.

"A dick," he said, nodding. They both laughed, but then he turned serious. "I think Dean still blames me for that... And for Ruby, and the whole losing my soul business, and he definitely blames me for not getting him out of Purgatory..." He trailed off sadly, looking at the ground. "I'm not going to survive these trials, Crystal, but that's okay. I guess it's my penance for all the things I've done. I'm just a burden to Dean, and Cas as well."

Crystal gaped at Sam, shaking her head as tears formed in her eyes. "Sam... You can't say that. Yes, you made some mistakes in your time, but who hasn't. You had to watch your brother get torn to shreds right in front of you; I don't blame you for going off the rails. And plus you had Ruby manipulating you the whole time. Losing your soul... that wasn't your fault. If that was anyone's fault it was Castiel's. I mean, he's the one that brought you back. If Dean blames you for that then... I don't know, but he shouldn't blame you for that. And the whole Purgatory thing? You were in love, you had Amelia and you didn't wanna let that go because you loved her. What Dean did... that fake text from her... I'm sorry, but that was just cruel. Don't blame yourself, Toto. You're so much more worth it than you think you are, you know. Of course you're not a burden. Dean's your brother, he loves you." By the time she finished her speech, tears were flowing freely down Sam's cheeks and Crystal had shed a few of her own.

She reached up and brushed Sam's hair out of his face and then wrapped her arms around him tightly, as if to shield him from the entire world. They may have only known each other for no more than a day, but they were practically one soul in two bodies.

"Want some ice cream?" She asked, smiling. He laughed through his tears and nodded slightly on her shoulder. They let go of each other and she leaned up to give him a small peck on his lips before taking his hand and leading him back the way they came. W

When they got back to the main part of the bunker, both Dean and Castiel could see that Sam had been crying. "Sammy? You okay?" Dean asked immediately. Crystal smiled at him, and turned to Sam.

"Wait outside for a minute, okay? I just wanna talk to Dean." She whispered. Sam didn't say anything, but he gave her a small nod and left the room, jogging quickly up the stairs and out of the door. She turned to Dean and Castiel and walked towards them. "Before you start, I didn't do anything. Actually, Sam... He thinks he's a burden on you. He thinks you still blame him for Lucifer, Ruby, losing his soul, and Purgatory. I'm going to say to you what I said to Sam. He watched you get mauled in front of him, so it was no surprise he went off the rails with Ruby, who was, by the way, manipulating him the whole time. No offence, Castiel, but the no-soul thing was kind of your fault, not Sam's, and leaving you in Purgatory... He had a home and he was happy, and in love. Do you really blame him for not getting you out when he finally had something good? Dean, he's your brother. He said to me, he knows he's not going to survive these trials, but he thinks that's a good thing." She paused to walked forward and take Dean's hands. "If you love him, don't let him do this. Save him. Please." Tears were pooling in Dean's eyes, and he ripped his hands from Crystal, and sprinted after Sam. She smiled to herself.

"That was your plan all along, wasn't it?" Castiel asked from behind her. He walked over to her side.

"Yes," Crystal nodded, looking up at Castiel. "Brother, please. Don't tell me that you doubted me." She smirked, nudging Castiel with her elbow. He smiled and shook his head.

"No one will punish Sam more than himself – that's his greatest weakness. He feels guilt very powerfully." Castiel observed sadly. Crystal sighed and put an arm on Castiel's shoulder.

"After I'm gone, promise me you'll look after him, Castiel," she begged him. Castiel put his hand on her lower back.

"I promise. I'll always take care of Sam," he promised, his eyes backing up that promise.

"Okay. Ice cream?" That smirk was back again. Castiel smiled down at her.

"Yes," and he took her hand and they went after the two brothers.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Author's Note #2: **If you didn't get it, Crystal was an angel :D I dunno, I fancied a plot twist xD Hope you enjoyed it! I'm not sure if I should leave it there, but oh well. Review's make my day, lovelies!

Love to you all! –huggles–


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